


Belonging

by Akiko_Natsuko



Series: The Zine Collection [3]
Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Flashbacks, Friendship, Gen, Heavy Angst, Memories, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Team as Family, Trauma, Understanding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-11
Updated: 2018-11-11
Packaged: 2019-08-20 08:19:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,929
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16552247
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Akiko_Natsuko/pseuds/Akiko_Natsuko
Summary: She felt as though part of her was still in the ice, still frozen, still trapped in a different time. Whilst a growing part of her was adrift, lost in this world, where nothing made sense anymore.Mei struggles with her return to civilisation, not sure where she belongs anymore, but she finds understanding in someone else who has spent time outside time.





	Belonging

Different.

    Rationally Mei had known how much things had changed in the world, she’d seen a glimpse of it in Winston’s broadcast and she’d been confronted with the evidence of it since reaching civilisation. Overwatch was gone. Leaders had come and gone, and new battlefronts were being drawn. Science and technology had changed, developed, leaving her in its wake and worst of all, the people she had known and loved were older, changed by hard times and secrets, and she… she was the same as she’d been when she went into the ice. The face that greeted her in the mirror each morning was the same one she had stared at the morning they’d made the decision to use the cryo-chambers, a ghost from a different lifetime, and there were moments, times like this when she was surrounded by proof of how much the world had changed that she felt as though she might still be frozen.    

    That feeling was creeping over her now, the chill that had haunted her since she’d first realised how long had passed seeping under her skin once more. This was a mistake, she thought numbly glancing around, watching the crowds that moved around her like a stream, as undisturbed by her frozen form as a river was by a pebble. All she had to do was reach out and her fingers would brush against them, and yet they felt like they were miles away, walking with a purpose she envied, knowing where they were going when she felt like she was frozen, trapped in a different time.

    No, not trapped, not really… instead, she felt as though part of her was still in the ice, still frozen, still trapped in a different time. Whilst a growing part of her was adrift, lost in this world, where nothing made sense anymore. Oh, there were points of familiarity. The Watchpoint. Winston. But they felt like flickering candle flames, that could disappear at any moment and leave her completely adrift. It was why she had agreed to this trip with Lena, and not just because of her embarrassment when the younger woman had pointed out that she barely had anything to her name, after finding her in the lab wearing the same outfit she had been wearing for days. Winston had agreed, and there had been something in his eyes and the way he had told her that there was more to life than a single base, that suggested he’d known that she was struggling.

    It had been good at first. Fun. It wasn’t until she’d been outside, caught up in the ebb and flow of life, that she’d realised just how cut off she had been, first at the Eco-point and more recently at the Watchpoint. Lena’s energy and enthusiasm had helped too, the younger woman seeming to embody the very concept of seizing life and Mei had found herself relaxing and smiling in a way that she hadn’t in ages, and then something had changed… she wasn’t sure whether it was the sight of so many new shops, names she didn’t recognise, reminding her that even basic things had changed in those years away. Or whether it was the advertisements that passed over the noticeboards, offering her more glimpses of this world she didn’t know anymore.

This world she didn’t belong in.

    It was a thought that she had been fighting against, denying for as long as possible, but something had shifted and now she couldn’t hide from it anymore. I don’t belong here. The thought gripped her, locking her in place as her breathing started to come hard and fast, eyes wide as she glanced around, searching for something, anything that looked familiar. Something that would ground her in the here and now, that could stand against the chill that was taking hold of her now, and quiet the voice now screaming at her that she should have stayed in the ice.  

“Mei?” There was a voice calling to her. A voice she recognised, but it sounds distant like it was coming from a different lifetime and she could feel herself slipping further away, the cold covering her thoughts. “Mei!” There was a flash of blue, and then there were hands on her face and Mei jolted, torn between flinching away from the unexpected touch and leaning into the soothing warmth that was so different from the cold in her thoughts. She blinked, startled to realise how hazy her vision had become, the world coming back into focus and revealing Lena staring at her with undisguised concern. “Mei are you-?”

“Sorry,” Mei whispered, huddling in on herself, but unable to bring herself to pull away from the warm fingers resting against her cheek.  “Sorry, sorry…” She’s not even sure what she’s apologising for at this point. Coming back? Losing herself? Not belonging… her breath caught and hitched, a sob threatening to slip out and she wasn’t sure what was written on her face now, but it must’ve been bad because there was no trace of Lena’s normal grin and there was a flicker of something deeper in her eyes before she sighed and forced a strained smile at Mei.

“Come on.” There was no hesitation in her words though, and her smile became less strained as she moved, wrapping an arm around Mei’s shoulders before she had time to miss the warmth against her cheeks. “Time for a drink and something to eat.”

“I…”

“Trust me,” Lena cut her off, voice soft. “You’ll feel better for it.” There was something about her expression that soothed the ragged edge of Mei’s nerves, and although she wasn’t sure that she believed her, she allowed the younger woman to lead her down the street, leaning into her warmth and trying to fight back

***

    They found refuge in a small café, and whilst the tangled edge of panic had begun to recede Mei was more than happy to let Lena take charge, willingly tucking herself away into a booth and just focusing on breathing and trying to bury the dark thoughts away. She had almost succeeded by the time she found herself with her fingers curled around a steaming mug of tea, a slice of cake lying next to her, and the chill was beginning to recede as she took a sip.

“That feeling.” Lena was quieter than Mei had ever heard her, and when she lifted her head to look at the woman she was taken aback to meet solemn brown. There was something too knowing in the unusually serious gaze that had her shrinking back, shoulders up as she hunched in on herself and yet she couldn’t bring herself to look away. “The one screaming at you that you don’t belong here, it will fade with time.”

“H-how…?”

“I’ve been there,” Lena was the first to look away, a haunted expression flickering across her face, one hand clutching her own drink whilst the other strayed towards the Chronal accelerator hidden beneath her clothes and Mei’s breath caught. She’d heard the story, but she’d never really thought about what it meant, and her retreat slowed as she glanced, wanting to comfort Lena…but also wanting to ask…and it was the latter that won out, the words tiptoeing out.

“Does it go away?”

“Not completely,” Lena took a sip of her drink, visibly steadying herself before glancing up with a wry twist of her lips. “Most people think it does. They look at me and think I’ve forgotten the time I spent lost…” She hesitated, studying Mei for a moment before amending her choice of words. “Trapped. And for the most part, I am fine, I’m alive and I’m here in the now with you and Winston and I know that Emily is waiting for me at home and then there are moments when I…”

“Don’t feel like you belong?”

“Yeah…” Lena nodded, before her expression softened, a trace of her normal grin reappearing as she added firmly. “But it does get better.”

    Mei desperately wanted to believe her. It had never occurred to her before that she wasn’t as alone as she felt, that there was someone right by her side who might understand, but at the same time what they had gone through was different…red error messages flashed through her mind, vital signs reduced to nothing and she could feel the chill threatening to seep in once more, fingers trembling as she tightened her hold on the mug.

Different.

      It took her several minutes to realise that Lena was talking to her, voice low but steady, and gradually her gaze returned to the younger woman, watching her hands and expression as she spoke animatedly although the words still escaped her. There was a haze filling her thoughts, and she jolted when there were warm fingers against her hand, the touch grounding her and she blinked, eyelids feeling heavy and sluggish. “Sorry, I…” She didn’t know what Lena had been saying, she wasn’t even sure what they were supposed to be talking about anymore, but Lena didn’t seem perturbed, squeezing her hand before repeating herself patiently.

“I said once we’re finished here, we’re going head back to base and pack.”

“Pack?”

“You’re going to come and stay with me and Emily for a few days,” Lena explained with a smile, but whilst it was a declaration there was a softness that told Mei she could say no, but somehow, she already knew that she wouldn’t. “You don’t know London well, do you?”

“N-no.” She’d been there once or twice for conferences with…her heart clenched, unable to think their names without pain and she swallowed looking down. Still, London was bigger than the hotel they’d stayed in and the conference centre and she’d never had time to explore.

“Somewhere new will help, and Emily-.” The pause was enough to get Mei to look up, taking in the complicated expression that accompanied that name. There was the warmth and affection that Lena seemed to radiate whenever she spoke of her girlfriend, but also an echo of the earlier haunted expression as she added quietly.  “Emily’s good at grounding people.” Longing pierced her, the chance to be somewhere that didn’t scream different at her, somewhere where she could try and find who she was in this new time, but at the time same time, it felt like she was intruding on something personal. A sanctuary that wasn’t meant for her and she shook her head.

“I don’t want to intrude.”

 “You’re not,” Lena insisted at once, squeezing her hand again until Mei looked up to meet her gaze once more.  “Mei, I want you to come. We’ll do some proper shopping and have film nights, and start getting you caught up on this time, something you’re not going to do in that stuffy old lab.”

“Winston…”

“We’re not going to be out of reach.” Lena pointed out reasonably, stopping that argument before it got anywhere. “And he was the one who suggested this trip, so he can’t complain if we do a bit more.” Mei wasn’t sure about that, but it was beginning to dawn on her that Lena probably had an answer for every argument that she could come up with. There was also part of her that didn’t want to argue, the same part of her that feared the feeling of not belonging returning, still feeling the chill lurking, waiting to consume her once more and she took a deep breath, staring down at her tea before gathering her courage.

“I would like that…”


End file.
